hard habit to break

the past two months seemed to pass by like a dream. another of my craziness...getting too greedy of life..not letting anything pass by without getting the most out of it.

another gamble and i pray this one lets me win. its not that a lot is at stake. its just my heart. and a hazy plan for the next five years. haha!

im kinda sad.. and kinda hapy. you know how it is...too much of a good thing and suddenly he leaves for a while and you dont know whether to put your life on pause til he comes back or rewind it and pick up where you left of. i have a ring to remind me i'm not supposed to make myself available to anyone but then again it also reminds me of how fragile this situation is.

there's a lot of i dont knows right now. but as i told some of my good friends, i'm a hopeless optimist and i'm positive i'll get over this semi-trial. then life would go on as usual. mr. brown eyes is a great gift that dropped from the sky. and i hope he will find his way back no matter how he hates airplanes. hahaha!

aloha!

i hope this would be the last time i will have to tell the same story to those who ask. haha!
i would like you to meet charles klarsfeld. he lives in hawaii and we met through couchsurfing. if you wanna know what that is visit www.couchsurfing.com.

nope its not a dating site. it's for travelers who wish to learn more about the country they're visiting by living with a couchsurfer. that way, they not only get to know the culture and traditions of the country through a native but they get to save money on hotel accommodations. its kinda like an exchange. when you get to visit their country you get the same kind of welcome and accommodation.cool right?

so he was planning to come to cdo so he surfed for couchsurfers living here. he got me and emailed me. we met at bo's coffee shop coz in my profile i said "couch currently not available for surfing". that means i cant accept temporary boarders in my room. haha! we talked for an hour and i suggested that he go to siargao for a really rustic experience of unspoiled natural beauty. he went and when he came back we met again for dinner.. and then another dinner and then another dinner.. hahaha!

nope he's not living with me. he lives with a friend downtown.
he's here until february 14. ugh! til then days are spent getting to know one another.
so what's up with this? i dont know but its great to have someone to learn with.
my first ever real couchsurfer.. and he doesnt even live at my house. haha!

for you who has arrived

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you simply, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way of loving

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that when I fall asleep, it is your eyes that close.

i found this poem again in one of my archives. i remembered this from the movie patch adams. did you watch that movie? falling in love seems so different now. as i get older, things that are important before seem silly now.

am i really falling in love? somehow the question needs to be answered by the heart rather than the mind. yet it remains a valid question that needs to be asked and thought of. love is not mere feeling. loves moves from faith and trust. faith that the hand of the divine moves fate that allows us to meet. trust that in spite of our differences we believe in each other's goodness and that we know instinctively that we want what is best for the other.

what does the future bring? i do not know. i just know that it is good that you are here. it is a blessing that you care somehow. and that i am happy.

i love you, silly. hahaha!

fun de PoGon

the funniest guys: Anthoy Walter Vega (3 Gonzalez08) and Rodimer Lomoya (3 Pongracz07)

gad. they do make me laugh. and it somehow makes the ache go away a little. i wish all people have a moyax and a vega in their lives. they have that wonderful gift of making you realize that life is one big comedy and that the lord god meant for us to laugh amidst the saddest things. watching and listening to them, one need not go to a comedy bar or to the movies. their antics are original, their jokes natural. they take delight in the simplest, silliest things and somehow turn them into a big comedy show. they do not even try to make you laugh.

i am blessed to have them. but what you're actually seeing is only two of the funniest little big guys i have! imagine the power of a roomful of hyperactive 15 year-olds. gad. all the world's worries turn to smoke.