it's different this year

(my CIS classmates)

months before the summer vacation, i had a feeling that something wonderful is going to happen in my life. i used to have that feeling before and then someone came and it was truly awesome. mostly painful but awesome nonetheless.*sigh*

and so i went to manila. i was expecting two weeks of rest with my god. i thought i'll have the time alone for prayer, eating, and swimming in sacred heart's pool. it never crossed my mind that i'd be attending classes! yep, with the usual recitation and assignments and endless lectures. now i can empathize with my students. ha ha.

i think i must have prayed only twice and that was because i had to use my prayer for the daily practice and practicum. the food was not the best though there was never a menu repeated. each dish each meal is unique. and frustatingly, i was never able to swim. the pool was 3/4 chlorine and 1/4 water. i was afraid to lose my melanin. ngekngok.

it was stressful and i think i missed my family more than i missed them when i was jvp for two years. there was also the struggle of relating with my "classmates". if you look at the picture, you could see how diverse we were. the oldest was 75 and the youngest was 24. culturally, they come from all over asia:vietnam, malaysia, singapore,hongkong, cagayan de oro,zamboanga, naga. occupations vary:writers, campus ministers, teachers, jesuits, corporate, counselors, priests, etc. and we had to live with each other for two weeks. i seldom changed tables. i think i was rebelling and at the same time i was at a loss how to talk to them. it wasnt what i expected at all!

but i did learn. i know "a little" now about spiritual direction. i dont expect that i'd be able to use it. 15 year old kids hardly know what consolation and desolation mean.and i bet they understand "movement of spirits" as the ghosts haunting manresa and xuhs.

to tell all that happened would be tedious and i'd rather keep those things to myself. i still need to taste and savor and chew on my experience. until now its still confusing. its so difficult to answer people who ask how the seminar was.

i guess i'll just have to enumerate "some" of the things i did in manila. for all my fans, hahaha!

• i met teray taveros and her very controversial husband. she has all a woman wishes for:husband,haus, hatid (car). but no baby yet. if i do get married i dont need to attend a cfla seminar. she has instructed as "well".
• i hang out with fajardo, richie yu, mike lucagbo, cheenee, cathy and some xuhs alumnay. niwang na ang pari! and richie i'll never forget the gesture and i'm counting calories now. hahaha!
• talked a bit with pads xave and fr. jboy. chatted with gil, my jvp batchmate na jesuit na. aguy.
• fajardo kidnapped us during the seminar and we ate at maxx with yayam, april and christine. the malls in manila are like night cafe in cdo. daghan tao makalabad ulo.
• got a banana peel for siargao. hehe.
• had a career talk with kuya alwin, jedi master. i have forgotten how to discern and thanks to him i already have a clue how to proceed.
• spent the easter triduum at loyola heights: with meals served by mcdonalds, pancake house, shakeys, and maxx.
• attended good friday services at ateneo.
• after almost a decade, i was able to talk with sr. socorro, r.a. once again. now i am more pressured: religious life, married life, single blessedness?
• saw my cousin and robbed her of her havaianas bag.
• the only good thing about manila is the sunset.

good things are happening. i can feel it here, inside. and its going to be a different school year. it will be awesome. and next year? a! bahala na si batman!

Way Back Into Love (full version)

from music and lyrics

way back into love

ive always thought saturdays are most boring. its the day when i can't figure out what to do after a week of teaching and osasi work. when there are immersions, of course, thats a different matter. nevertheless, saturdays are like manggang hilaw. not really what i would want on a weekend.

but this saturday, things were different for a change. i was planning to watch PDA with pongracz so i thought about going to hs early so i could fix my things before i go to manila. the gods know i need to throw out lots of trash accumulated over a week. he he. but as i passed by CMO, i saw fr. jody and we agreed to have lunch at SM. well, knowing him we didnt just have lunch but also watched Music and Lyrics! It was all for free courtesy of his MTRCB card.:)

The movie was really simple. i dont wanna bore you with an intellectual review coz in the first place im not capable of one. hehe. BUT i loved the movie! i love it! it made me cry. the song is the best ive heard in months. ka-relate ang lola. hahaha!

it turned out to be a different saturday. thanks pads!

To live would be an awfully big adventure.

Everyday i find a reason to live. That is, if i decide to. The past year seemed to flash before my eyes in a colorful whirl. Most of the time i was sad. The sadness that never went away. The sadness that one feels over and over again no matter how happy the moment is. It lurks there. Like a would-be pimple. ha ha.

Though sad, i cannot help but be grateful. Life has given me so much and i know that some of the sources of my angst are for want of things that i do not need or cannot have. Like a typical grown-up.

Imagine life as an adventure. I do not mean to be simplistic or to be overly optimistic. But many times this is what i cling to. Because there are times when life becomes a chore and i wish it to end: stop the routine, stop this mere existence. Yet someone, somehow insists that i live, to embrak once more in another adventure. Where the outcome is not the most important thing but the fight, the magic of being alive.

I know that this awfully big adventure will soon end. Still, its awfully good to be alive. *sigh*