for you who has arrived

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you simply, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way of loving

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that when I fall asleep, it is your eyes that close.

i found this poem again in one of my archives. i remembered this from the movie patch adams. did you watch that movie? falling in love seems so different now. as i get older, things that are important before seem silly now.

am i really falling in love? somehow the question needs to be answered by the heart rather than the mind. yet it remains a valid question that needs to be asked and thought of. love is not mere feeling. loves moves from faith and trust. faith that the hand of the divine moves fate that allows us to meet. trust that in spite of our differences we believe in each other's goodness and that we know instinctively that we want what is best for the other.

what does the future bring? i do not know. i just know that it is good that you are here. it is a blessing that you care somehow. and that i am happy.

i love you, silly. hahaha!

fun de PoGon

the funniest guys: Anthoy Walter Vega (3 Gonzalez08) and Rodimer Lomoya (3 Pongracz07)

gad. they do make me laugh. and it somehow makes the ache go away a little. i wish all people have a moyax and a vega in their lives. they have that wonderful gift of making you realize that life is one big comedy and that the lord god meant for us to laugh amidst the saddest things. watching and listening to them, one need not go to a comedy bar or to the movies. their antics are original, their jokes natural. they take delight in the simplest, silliest things and somehow turn them into a big comedy show. they do not even try to make you laugh.

i am blessed to have them. but what you're actually seeing is only two of the funniest little big guys i have! imagine the power of a roomful of hyperactive 15 year-olds. gad. all the world's worries turn to smoke.

the world under a red umbrella

scene from a recent past

writing about 5 years of immersion seem anticlimactic. something more dramatic should cap off the years spent hiking kilometers of bad road, scolding kids, sleeping in chapels, and haggling with jeepney drivers. something like levoscoliosis. bwahahahhaha!!!!

i do have that annoying ailment. i think my body is on strike. it has refused to cooperate with me anymore on matters of strenous physical activities. it even prefers a hard bed over my 20+ year old mattress!

but this is it. my body has declared that it will no longer carry me and carry out my obsession with mountains and kids. mountains and kids. you'll be surprised at how deeply they learn from each other. but that's for another post.

i will no longer handle the immersion next year. my body has even convinced two of my umbrellas to retire and so they lost themselves.

next year i will be bound to my cubicle and a boring 18 loader. i will content myself with a moderating class and try my best to help them win at least one class contest. i shall be consoled with trips to asia that may or may not happen over the summer. i shall sit in idleness and take all gossip seriously. i will make powerpoints of all my lessons and strategize to make kids at least notice church history. gad, i could even write a book with all the free time i have!

and i shall miss the scene above. i shall pine for corned beef and danggit and tuna cheesemelt. ...gad!

the joy that's in it

let me tell you my plans.

i want to be able to travel the world for the joy that's in it. i dont want to go as a tourist. to be a tourist is simply to look at the surface of things. i could look at webshots for that. i want to be with people. to be able to talk to them and maybe learn their language. i want to be able to go to places not in the tourist map. i pray God will grant me that.

i want to go to Thailand and teach Burmese refugees for the joy that's in it. I want to stay for two months (if XUHS allows) and teach English to these kids. I've heard how they love to learn from volunteers. i pray God will show me how to get there.

i want to have a laptop for the joy that's in it. i want to be able to make my lessons and letters and powerpoints and movies without the hassle of going downtown or waiting for my turn at the pc. i know i can do much with that technology in my hands. i pray SOMEONE will give me one. haha.

i want a blue-eyed baby for the joy that's in it. ok, this is probably too far-fetched and nobody out there would willingly donate blue-eyed baby sperms to me on a test tube. but i'd want to be able to claim a relative who wont look like me. there's no logic there, i know! but i want, want, want! i pray somebody blue-eyed will stumble on this blog and e-mail me. hahaha! eewww!

it's free to dream. that's all i want.

and oh, i want world peace.

for the joy that's in it.